number seven

"Name your most cherished childhood memory."

I don't remember a lot of my childhood.
but my most cherished memory is when i was with my family at the south towne mall food court.
i was young, about 5 or 6.
it was my first time seeing a black family.
and i flipped tits.
tits were flipping all over the place.
i yelled, "mom, dad! what's wrong with them? they're black! and they're uuugly!"
and the family just sat there.
they didn't say a thing, they didn't even glance my way.
my father is frantically shushing me, but all i say is, "no, really! look!"
i was completely flabbergasted.
i promise i'm not racist.

number six

"Who was your first crush and what made them special?"

my first crush was named dillion embreus. i was a little, annoying fuckin' grade schooler.
i basically stalked this poor kid.
there was a lot that made him special.
he was really nice to me when a lot of the kids made fun of me.
he had these adorable freckles and full lips, with long, shaggy, blond hair.
i liked him since 2nd grade to 9th grade.
i wonder where he is, what he's like, and what he's doing all of the time.

number five

"What music album would be used for a movie about your life?"

i'm skipping this.
'cause it's fucking stupid.

" If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be, and what would you do if later on you changed your mind?"

there's a lot i would change about myself.
the first thing i'd change is how fucking hypersensitive i am to fuckin' everything.
i'd rather be numb, to be honest, but everything affects me so powerfully.
it's exhausting,

number four

"Name a totally useless possession and how you came to acquire it."

My room is filled with useless possessions.
I think my favorite useless possession is a Barbie doll leg that my friend gifted me.

number three

"What 5 websites do you visit often, and why?"

1. Facebook -
Why the fuck not?

2. 4chan -
We all have our guilty pleasures.

3. Gaiaonline -
Again, guilty pleasures.

4. Reddit -
Because I have no life.

5. Pornhub -
Because porn is hilarious.

number two

"Name something you lost or gave away that can never be replaced."

i lost time.
i spent too much time on nothingness, it feels like.
my young teenage years are filled with a lot of emptiness and mistakes, and there's nothing i can do to get it back.

ya.

i hate everyone, to get started.
i generally feel really empathetic, but i'm sick of it.
i love the people i love, but i still hate them.
hey.
you.
yeah, you.
i fucking hate you.
yeah, i am serious.
my life sucks a lot of the time. i'm getting high a lot, and that's helping me escape a bit.
but escaping is a bad thing to do.
i'm escaping to my past. been very nostalgic lately.
and i am currently trying to satisfy it until it's too late.
but it's hard, because i have learned just how shitty everything is.
it's hard to take the shit-colored glasses off when they have been on.
 i feel like some tragic thing has happened in my life recently, but nothing has.
i'm in a weird grieving state of emotion.
hard to figure out why.
i'm trying to let go of a lot of emotional baggage.
a lot of things have affected me, and keep affecting me, and i need to figure out how to get past them.
i'm trying to be free from everything.
true freedom is without pain, without agony and fear.
but i'm too attached to my emotions and the things around me to truly be free from myself, objects, and others.
i don't think enlightenment of such could ever happen in my life time.
I live in a little castle, my room is in a tall tower.
my room is covered in parts of myself. art, tickets, obsessions of the past.
i'm scared to come down.